bands_on_the_run
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JESSE
(off Martyn as he walks
away)
Cute.
ALICIA
Not bad at all.
EMILY
If you turn traitor to the band,
you're walking home, sister.
ALICIA
Don't tempt me!
Back with Underdog, Alex and Ian wander over to meet the
Southern Voodoo boys: LAWRENCE (male model), JEFFRIES (sports
gear), MIKE (indie bling), BILL (tall, well built) and RICH
(the ugly one).
ALEX
Hey there. I'm Alex, this is Ian.
LAWRENCE
Lawrence. This is Jeffries, Bill,
Mike and Rich.
IAN
Good show up there.
JEFFRIES
We know! We knew we could make it.
You three were the only real
competition.
ALEX
I dunno, Spitbox weren't bad.
BILL
Yeah, but we're better.
IAN
(with a "these guys are
pricks" look)
Well, we'd best finish packing up.
ALEX
Yup, see you boys later.
IAN
(once out of earshot)
They seem confident.
ALEX
Yeah, a little too confident.
IAN
Remind me to beat them.
Back with Southern Voodoo, packed up and enjoying a post-gig
smoke.
LAWRENCE
Bunch of pussies. This'll be a
cakewalk.
BILL
I dunno, the other bands are pretty
good.
JEFFRIES
We'll be fine, I think.
MIKE
We have plenty of back up plans,
remember?
BILL
Suits me.
16 INT. WANING BROS. RECORDS - CONFERENCE ROOM - NEXT 16
A long, rectangular table with three chairs at its head and a
map of the States on the wall behind it. Framed photos of the
company's big name artists and their platinum records adorn
the walls.
The four bands file in and take their seats, admiring the
rock and roll heritage on display. Martyn and Alicia end up
opposite one another, grinning like schoolkids as they chat
to their bandmates.
The doors open again as Barrington walks in, followed by
BLAKE and KENNY, the other two Chief Executives. The bands
quieten down as the three suits take their seats. Blake is
tall and thin, while Kenny is short and dumpy.
BARRINGTON
Hello everyone. This is Mr. Blake
and Mr. Kenny, chief execs here at
Waning Bros. Records. I'd like to
be the first to congratulate you on
making it onto the Bands On The Run
2001 tour. Well done.
The bands exchange satisfied looks with one another. Blake
and Kenny bring up manilla folders and start passing them
down the table to each of the bands.
BARRINGTON (cont'd)
While my colleagues here pass
around some handy information for
you all, I'll explain the details
of the tour a little bit better.
Barrington stands and paces around the room, behind the
chairs, smoking a cigar as he talks.
BARRINGTON (cont'd)
Each band will receive a brand
spanking new tour bus, with a
trailer to carry your equipment and
plenty of room for the band members
inside. Fuel will be paid for
through credit cards we will issue
you. Each member will receive $20 a
day spending money, but if you wish
to use money from your ticket and
merch sales, you may. In each city
along the route, you have each been
assigned a venue to play, and you
will have two days in each city to
promote your show and sell
merchandise, supplies of which we
have already begun to arrange with
your management. Or your mother, in
Underdog's case.
ALEX
Hey, what can I say, she's our
biggest fan.
IAN
Some would say only.
BARRINGTON
We will add up the totals for each
city along the way, with bonus
opportunities for cash also
arranged should you choose to
accept them, and the band who has
the most money at the tour's close
will be the winner, and will sign a
record contract with me on your
return. Any questions?
MARTYN
Where will we stay?
BARRINGTON
Hotel reservations are already
booked. Bed, breakfast and dinner.
During the day, you take care of
yourself.
LAWRENCE
What do you get out of this?
BARRINGTON
A proven band and crap loads of
free publicity.
EMILY
What kinds of places will we be
playing?
BARRINGTON
Mostly rock clubs. Decent places to
go. No-one gets stiffed with the
town's crappest venue.
STEVEN
What about promotion? How can we go
about that?
BARRINGTON
You'll get fliers and posters at
each stop, but radio appearances,
public gigs, that sort of thing is
positively encouraged. Is that
everything?
Nods and murmurs of assent. Everyone seems satisfied.
BARRINGTON (cont'd)
Good. We'll meet back here at
tomorrow to give you your trucks
and your first lot of cash.
Accommodation for the night is
arranged at the B&B over the road.
Try not to be late. Bands on the
run, dismissed!
The bands get up and shuffle out of the room, chatting to one
another and shaking hands with Barrington and the other two
suits on their way out.
When they have all left, the three suits sit down again and
relax.
BARRINGTON (cont'd)
Well? Are we onto a good thing
here?
BLAKE
They all look great. I think we're
onto a winner whoever gets it.
KENNY
I think it'll be either Southern
Voodoo or Wavelength.
BARRINGTON
Why?
KENNY
Voodoo are the most professional,
but Wavelength are unusual enough
to be very appealing. I think we'll
see a good match.
BLAKE
What about the other two?
KENNY
Haiku are four chicks. 'Nuff said.
Name me an all-girl band that ever
got anywhere.
BARRINGTON
The Bangles. The Spice Girls. Toto
Coleo. Bananarama.
KENNY
A rock band.
BLAKE
Kitte? Drain? The Donnas? L7?
KENNY
'Nuff said.
BARRINGTON
Kenny, you talk a lot of crap. Why
not Underdog?
KENNY
A van full of pissheads. Only the
Stones and Aerosmith ever got big
acting like that.
BARRINGTON
We'll have to find out, then, won't
we?
17 INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT 17
Dissolve to a nightclub, and a big party. The four winning
bands have been joined by Hail To The King and Spitbox, and
they are all tearing the place up. Rock music blasts out of
the places speakers as band members dance, drink and try to
get their hands on any ladies (or guys, in Jesse's case).
Martyn is trying to speak to Alicia but they can't hear each
other over the noise. He gives up, and motions for the two of
them to head outside. Steven and Jim watch them go, then Jim
laughs as Steven shakes his head and hands over some money -
clearly the bets are already on.
18 EXT. NIGHTCLUB/ALLEYWAY - NEXT 18
Outside, Martyn and Alicia sit on beer crates outside the
club's rear entrance. It is halfway down an alley, and we can
see the street at the far end of it. Alicia smokes, both are
drinking bottled beers.
MARTYN
So what do we think?
ALICIA
About the club? Noisy.
MARTYN
This tour. The whole thing seems a
little...
ALICIA
Too good to be true? Yeah, I know.
MARTYN
I keep thinking at any minute I'm
going to hear an alarm go off, and
when I wake up I'll be back at my
flat and none of this will have
happened.
ALICIA
(making a noise like an
alarm clock)
Baaa! Baaa! Baaa!
MARTYN
(grins)
Knock it off!
ALICIA
(smiles)
Sorry. You're a nice guy, Martyn.
MARTYN
Yeah, I hear that a lot. Usually
right before: "And I still want us
to be friends, but..."
ALICIA
You're too hard on yourself.
MARTYN
Sometimes you have to be your own
critic. Keeps your feet on the
ground.
ALICIA
I think we have just reason to
celebrate tonight.
MARTYN
Yeah, I guess so. I'm just trying
not to get carried away by all
this.
ALICIA
Not yet, anyway...
They smile at each other. The air of flirting gets a lot more
intense all of a sudden. There's an obvious, mutual
attraction between these two. Alicia stubs out her cigarette
and eyes Martyn up, looking like she wants to kiss him, when:
BEEP BEEP BEEP! Her beeper goes off, killing the moment. They
both laugh at the irony of it all. Martyn stands, helps
Alicia to her feet.
ALICIA (cont'd)
You know, you're the first guy who
hasn't either said he "finds the
whole goth thing really sexy and
weird," or "always goes for the
freaky ones."
MARTYN
I'm honoured. I think.
ALICIA
I have a feeling this tour may turn
out pretty good after all.
(checks her bleeper)
It's my mom. I gotta call home.
I'll see you in the morning. Say
bye to the others for me!
She swigs the last of her beer, throws her bottle O.S. with a
SMASH, then jogs down the alley back out onto the street.
Martyn goes to head back inside, but stops in the doorway to
watch her go.
As she gets to the end of the alley, she turns, sees him,
smiles, and blows him a kiss. Martyn catches it and goes
inside.
19 INT. NIGHTCLUB - NEXT 19
Inside the club, the music has slowed down a little. Most of
the musicians are now very thoroughly wasted, slow dancing
with whoever is in reach or propping up the bar.
Martyn rejoins his band members, sat at a table against one
wall except for Sarah and Steven, the group's couple, who
dance over on the dancefloor. Martyn sits back down and is
passed a beer by Jim.
JIM
There you go, my friend.
MARTYN
Thanks.
JOHN
How was the alleyway?
MARTYN
Guys, I think I'm in love.
JOHN
You'll have to do pretty good to
beat Bonnie & Clyde over there.
(points to Sarah and
Steven)
Our resident lovebirds have been on
the happy pills all night so far.
MARTYN
I think I might join them.
NEIL
Threesome! Alright!
Neil is slapped good naturedly by the others. Slow fade to:
20 INT. B&B - BEDROOM - MORNING 20
Wavelength are tucked up in their beds at the B&B, dozing
quietly. Martyn and Jim are already up, sitting out on the
room's balcony watching the sunrise, sipping from huge coffee
mugs.
21 EXT. B&B - NEXT 21
We cut to see them from outside the balcony, then pan across
the other rooms. All the bands are on the same floor.
Underdog are next door, then Voodoo, then Haiku. Underdog are
all asleep, still blasted from last night's partying. Voodoo
are all up, getting ready for the meeting back at the record
company. In Haiku's room, Alicia and Kate sit out on the
balcony, sipping coffee like Martyn and Jim. INTERCUT between
the two balconies as the conversation flows.
MARTYN
I'm telling you, Jim, that girl is
beautiful.
JIM
I know, I saw her too! She is
pretty fit.
ALICIA
He's pretty cute, isn't he?
KATE
Very. Nice eyes.
MARTYN
This gorgeous hair that looks all
shiny and lovely..
JIM
(sniggers)
You've got it bad. Been a while
since we last, er...
(mimes having a wank)
... has it, sir?
ALICIA
I had an interesting dream last
night.
KATE
Who was in it?
ALICIA
He was. And me.
(off Kate's raised
eyebrow)
There was nudity.
The girls laugh and carry on drinking their coffee, before
Emily calls them and they go back inside. Back to Jim and
Martyn.
MARTYN
Seems weird that I'll be trying to
beat her.
JIM
Dude, you hardly know her!
MARTYN
I mean in the contest.
JIM
Yeah, I know. It's like we've just
made friends with these people and
now we have to go out and try to
outperform them all!
MARTYN
Won't be hard to beat Southern
Voodoo.
JIM
Guess not.
They go back inside. Lawrence, in the room next door, pokes
his head round the balcony as they go.
LAWRENCE
We'll see.
22 EXT. WANING BROS. RECORDS - PARKING LOT - DAY 22
The parking lot of the Waning BROS.. building. The bands are
assembled in various states of alertness, with Underdog
looking the worse for wear, clad in sunglasses and displaying
messy bedhead hairdos. Haiku are neatly turned out, as are
Southern Voodoo. Wavelength look relaxed, joking with members
of Underdog as they wait for the record company staff to
arrive.
They are standing next to four minivans and their trailers,
each displaying the logo of the band they serve - black for
Haiku, blue for Wavelength, red for Voodoo and grey for
Underdog. Madeline, Blackshaw, Pete and Barrington walk over
to the groups.
BARRINGTON
Morning rock stars! Good to see you
all dragged your inebriated
carcasses out of bed this morning.
My tour manager Madeline will fill
you in.
MADELINE
Each band member will get $20 for
today, with another $20 each day
after that, given out by WB staff
who will follow the tour. Each band
will also receive a phone and gas
card. The directions are simple:
drive to the city in question,
promote, play, sell, move on. The
first city will be San Francisco.
Murmurs of assent from the assembled rockers - a good city to
start in.
MADELINE (cont'd)
Each band will find a folder in
their tour bus with details of your
venue, contact and a little local
information to get you started.
After that, it's up to you.
BLACKSHAW
We will contact you with
information about the bonus
opportunities as and when. After
each show, we will assemble you all
at a designated after-show venue to
read out the totals and declare the
positions. A starter supply of
merchandise and fliers has been
left in your vans.
BARRINGTON
All that remains is for me to say
good luck, bands, now go out there
and make yourselves famous. And
don't be crap!
With a barrage of whoops and cheers, the bands file into
their vans. Haiku's is decorated like The Crow's bedroom -
lots of black, cobweb designs, velvet curtains. Underdog's
has an American flag draped against the back inside wall, and
is lined with car number plates. Voodoo's truck has an array
of CDs on its inside, glittering in the morning light, while
Wavelength's has circuit boards stuck to its inside and a
large painting of a Borg cube on the rear wall. Each band
looks happy with their new mobile home, starting their
engines and driving out the parking lot. Each races off down
the freeway towards San Francisco.
23 INT. TOUR VANS - NEXT 23
We look inside each van through three internal cameras - one
looking diagonally into each front seat, then one in the side
wall of the rear passenger compartment.
In Wavelength's van, Martyn pulls a tape out of his bag,
slaps it in the stereo and cranks it up. Jim drives. "Ain't
My Bitch" by Metallica kicks in, causing the band to headbang
comically, Wayne's World style.
With Underdog, the boys are sharing beers and toasting each
other to the tune of U2's "Mysterious Ways," except for
Matthew, who drives.
Haiku are rocking to "Subhuman" by Garbage, drumming on the
walls of the van, while Voodoo all sing along to "Bombtrack"
by RATM. Each band looks fired up and ready for the
challenge.
24 EXT. WANING BROS. RECORDS/STREET - NEXT 24
We watch the vans scream past us with their stereos blazing.
25 EXT. STREET/VANS - NEXT 25
Within seconds, each van is stuck in a hefty traffic jam.
Wavelength and Haiku can see each other's vans, despite being
separated by about five lanes of traffic, and they whoop and
make devil signs to each other, scaring the bejaysus out of
the cars around them.
STEVEN
So, not so much Bands on the Run as
Bands Crawling Slowly Through Rush
Hour Traffic.
MARTYN
Stop complaining. We'll be in San
Fran soon.
SARAH
I left my heart in San Francisco.
MARTYN
I think I left my wallet.
WITH HAIKU:
The girls are passing round drinks as Alicia drives. Emily
reads from the info pack each band has been given.
EMILY
Right. Our venue is the Rumble
Strip, we're on at 10pm Thursday
night, which is in one day's time.
We've got all day today to promote
this gig.
JESSE
Let's stick to the plan, then.
EMILY
Right. Pubs, clubs, record stores,
anywhere where there's people and
music.
WITH UNDERDOG:
Simon and Ian are playing an impromptu rock 'n' roll song,
accompanied by the others. Their van is stationary in
traffic, like the others. Alex reads the band's info pack.
SIMON
We're sitting in traffic...
(der ner ner ner)
Stuck in a jam.
IAN
And boy, do I need a woman...
(der ner ner ner)
That don't smell like ham!
ALEX
Right, once we get into town, we
need a plan to promote.
ROB
Like what?
SIMON
Beer!
ALEX
Not a bad idea. We need to hit all
the rock bars and get them to put
some flyers up, maybe even play a
few gigs to showcase our stuff.
IAN.
That may put people off...
SIMON
I was actually just saying... beer.
WITH WAVELENGTH:
John reads the information pack for San Francisco to Martyn
and the others.
JOHN
Our club is called the "Shine Box,"
and we're on stage at 10pm tomorrow
night.
MARTYN
Okay, let's get some food down us
first. I spy with my little eye
something beginning with "services"
so let's park up.
Their van slows, indicates off the freeway and swings into
the service station.
26 EXT. SERVICE STATION - NEXT 26
The trucks of Haiku and Voodoo are here also. The girls of
Haiku are sat in and around their van, the side slide doors
open, eating burgers and sipping Cokes. Voodoo are nowhere to
be seen. Wavelength go over to say hello.
MARTYN
Mornin' all! Where you playing?
JESSE
Some dive called the "Rumble
Strip."
SARAH
Where are the Voodoo guys?
JESSE
Not sure. They disappeared off into
the stores over there saying
something about "supplies."
ALICIA
Probably means they're up to
something.
MARTYN
Wouldn't surprise me. Okay, plan.
Sarah, Steve, get the food. The
money we were given this morning
should be plenty. Neil, John, watch
the van. Jim, you're with me. Let's
see what those boys are up to
already.
JIM
Lead on.
The members split up and wander off. We follow Jim and Martyn
into the store.
27 INT. SERVICE STATION - STORE - NEXT 27
Sure enough, there are Voodoo, stocking up on a variety of
suspicious looking items – cans of oil, shovels, hosepipes,
firecrackers – any practical joker could tell you they're
planning a major league dirty tricks campaign, and using
their funds to buy it.
Jim and Martyn sneak round the shelves, following them to
watch. Lawrence, Bill and Jeffries each head for the door
carrying two plastic bags full of stuff each.
They leave their till receipt behind, so quick as a flash Jim
swoops in to get it.
Leaving the shop, the Voodoo boys head back for their van and
drive off without a word to anyone. Wavelength meet up again
at their van.
SARAH
(passing round fast food)
Well?
MARTYN
They are definitely up to
something.
JIM
Keep your eyes open.
MARTYN
The band who makes the most cash on
this first stop gets a bonus, so we
don't want to let them upstage us
all!
NEIL
So let's get moving.
They head for their van and climb in just as Underdog arrive,
smoke pouring out their back windows. Alex gives Martyn the
thumbs up as Wavelength drive away.
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