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Author Topic: Justice (DC Universe) w/ Pilot Episode  (Read 1058 times)

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Offline Stevie_G

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Justice (DC Universe) w/ Pilot Episode
« on: Mon Oct 10 2016, 10:53 »

What began as a thirst for vengeance, turned into a fight for Justice!

SEASON ONE:
FOUNDATIONS


Gotham City:
A young Bruce Wayne returns home, after having disappeared ten years prior, to find his father a recluse and broken man - taken care for by the only member of staff, Alfred J. Pennyworth. He soon discovers that since his departure - the family fortune has dwindled substantially, the Wayne Corporation now in the hands of a shady businessman, and the family name - merely but a faded memory of what it once stood for in the city - all while still recovering from the brutal murder of his mother, Martha Wayne - and the abandonment of his father, Thomas Wayne.

Bruce quickly finds himself battling among the dangerous playgrounds of Gotham, both on the streets and in the board-room.  After putting himself in danger during an attempted bank robbery, Bruce places himself on a path in which he will slowly rise to become a shining symbol of Gotham, a hero that the city requires - in such dire time of needs.  All while he positions himself within the Wayne Corporation, to try and regain the company his father lost control of - placing him against the dangerous shady businessman, Derek Powers - while also meeting a new ally, in Lucius Fox - who works in the basement of the company, in a special department he calls 'The Bunker'.

Meanwhile, Detective James Gordon - one of the few honest cops left in the city, as well as his friend and colleague, District Attorney Harvey Dent - find every avenue exhausted fighting back against the recent crime wave caused by an individual only known as 'Two-Face', soon find themselves caught up with the returning 'Dark Avenger' - who was presumed dead several years prior, and mysteriously returned to the city to help them take back the streets of Gotham - but whose return will have serious repercussions for Detective Gordon.

Also, Victoria 'Vicki' Vale - an old friend from when they were children, finds herself drawn back to Bruce - and soon uncovers disturbing news that shatters her memories of the boy she once knew, and the man she now grows to love - all while Bruce finds himself caught between Vicki, and the mysterious Personal Assistant to Harvey Dent, Miss Selina Kyle - who hides dark secrets of her own, and will find herself caught between two men, in the middle of a battle for control of Gotham.

As Bruce begins to take control of his own life, he finds himself pulled into the mission his father built - in memory of his wife, and Bruce's Mother - with a chance of reconciliation with his father, and becoming the leader of a group of special individuals who will fight for Justice.  While battling his own inner demons of his past that haunt him - Bruce will slowly, and gradually, rise to become a name that criminals will come to fear.

The
Dark Knight of Gotham

The Batman


HEROES OF GOTHAM:

(click to show/hide)

ROGUE GALLERY OF GOTHAM:

(click to show/hide)


SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

(click to show/hide)


SEASON ONE
EPISODE GUIDE:



1.0: FOUNDATIONS
Season One will solely focus upon Gotham City and the characters within - creating the Foundations upon which the rest of the series will expand on over future seasons, by introducing new characters and cities - therefore allowing the series to grow and explore other characters and stories in the DC universe.



1.01: Homecoming (Pilot Episode) - 49 Pages - PDF - 179kb
Click Banner above to Read!


UPDATED: Wednesday 10th January 2018. (Pilot - 49 Pages)

A young Bruce Wayne returns home to discover his father a broken man, taken care for by the only staff member of the estate - Alfred J. Pennyworth. As Bruce sets on a path to restore the family name and estate, he quickly finds himself thrust into the dangers that lurk within Gotham - while reconnecting with an old friend, Victoria 'Vicki' Vale, who is investigating the new CEO running the newly formed Wayne-Powers Corporation, but soon sets her sights upon learning the truth about where Bruce has been for the past ten years.



FUTURE EPISODES:
(Under The Spoiler)


(click to show/hide)


SEASON TWO:
2.0: SUPER-FRIENDS

Season Two will continue the ongoing adventures of Bruce Wayne and friends in Gotham - fighting a new, more dangerous criminal that arrives in the city, while Thomas Wayne sets off on his journey to find support for Bruce as Batman - after uncovering evidence of a mysterious blue-blur being reported in a neighboring city.


NOTES::


I know there's a Batman: Origins story up on the site - but this is something a little different. Originally intended to be a web-series, it has slowly developed into more of a Mini-Series consisting of approximately six episodes, and focused entirely in Gotham for the first season as the Foundation of the show.

Future Seasons would be along similar lines of approximately 6-8 episodes, but the world would be expanded as Thomas Wayne sets out on a mission to uncover others who would join the foundation he's built in Gotham as they fight for Justice. This creates an opportunity for a wider, open Universe of the DC Characters and Cities to be explored - possibly exploring a larger feature-length story further down the line where upon they combine forces to take down the real face behind the criminal underworld that is effecting every city.

Unlike the 'Origins' we all know for many of these characters - this also allows the creative element behind the show to not only alter, but build new histories of some of the important characters we know and love. As read in the Pilot Episode - Martha Wayne is brutally murdered - Thomas Wayne survives and thus allowing him to build the foundations upon which the show will be based upon, while we learn that Bruce is adopted (possibly a running theme in various ways along the way of adoption, parents dying young, etc) - with many more twists and turns along the way.
« Last Edit: Wed Jan 10 2018, 11:37 by Stevie_G »



Offline MutantEnemyFan97

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Re: Young Justice (Justice League) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #1 on: Tue Oct 11 2016, 08:08 »
I'm down with this, it's a different interpretation of Batman we haven't seen before.

Offline Stevie_G

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Re: Young Justice (Justice League) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #2 on: Wed Oct 12 2016, 15:39 »
Thanks MutantEnemyFan97, hopefully it's different than the usual histories of characters we mostly know and the stories to be told are fresh, original and something people enjoy reading.  Thanks to those who 'liked' the pitch also.

Just a small update, as I always felt the original script I posted up was rather long - in 89 Pages, and I believe I tried to cram too much stuff and ideas into one episode - so, I've condensed it down to 62 Pages now by removing a few things that will likely be transferred to the next - or later episodes.

So below (and in original pitch I've edited) is the up-to-date Script (1.01E - 62 Pages) of the Pilot Episode.


1.01: Homecoming (Pilot Episode) - 62 Pages - PDF - 208kb
Click Banner above to Read!


UPDATED: Wednesday 12th October 2016. (Pilot 1.01E - 62 Pages)

A young Bruce Wayne returns home to Gotham - to discover the city has been turned upside down by criminals now in power, and his father a virtual recluse.  As Bruce sets out to regain control of his father's fallen empire - he finds himself  thwarting a bank robbery - meeting new allies, Detective James Gordon and Prosecutor Harvey Dent in the process, while also running into an old childhood friend, Vicki Vale - now an intrepid reporter, who plans on getting the scoop on why Bruce has really returned to Gotham, and where he's been all this time.

Meanwhile, Bruce's return raises Thomas Wayne's spirits - as well as his worries for his son's well-being, that sets him on his own path with trusted ally, Alfred Pennyworth - to send fear back into the criminal underworld of Gotham with a face that hasn't been seen in years.


Changes Made:
  • Removed opening 10 Pages of original script - Thomas/Moxon Flashback - will appear later in series.
  • Removed Moxon on Trial scenes and Thomas Receives Call from Moxon scene - possibly add in Ep. 2 to join with Bruce giving evidence at trial of bank robbers - as all connects with both giving evidence at trials of gangsters over the years.
  • Episode now starts with Wayne Manor - Bruce's return.
  • Slightly changed some elements/dialogue in the Vale Interviews Powers scene - due to backstory and upcoming ideas  (biological weapons).
  • Bruce visits Mother scene moved later in episode.
  • Bruce Visits Bank scene pushed earlier - also, slight change in dialogue so Bruce learns of Business problem from Bank Manager.
  • Bruce visits Powers scene removed - possibly add in Episode. 2
  • SUV following Bruce/Vale scene / attack on Vale slightly altered, less about Bruce - more after Vale due to removal of scene prior.
  • Guys in SUV speaking to Powers removed.
  • Thomas visits old HQ - finds Alfred, prepares to go to work - removed.
  • Small scene added where Vale wakes up, finds Bruce missing from her bed during night spend together.
  • Whole Dockyard scene removed.
  • Some dialogue and directions etc have been altered in places to fit new ideas/storylines.

Offline Dex

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Re: Young Justice (Justice League) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #3 on: Thu Oct 13 2016, 05:04 »
  That’s a solid pitch right there. Clear story direction, fully fleshed out characters. I like it a lot. Though the title does seem to be a bit misleading.

  A show called Young Justice that’s about the Justice League is one thing but this show seems to be all about Bruce and his Father with no real indication that future episodes will be anything but the same.

  Anyway, as for the script itself, I really like the story being told here but the presentation wasn’t really to my liking.

  The constant mid-sentence dashes really kill the flow. I know it’s a pretty common trait but I’m not really sure what the point of it is. It reads like there’s supposed to be a pause but that just never feels right. The dialogue is all a bit stiff and “clinical” at times and the odd breaks it it certainly don’t help. 

  I don’t know anyone who uses the word upon with any sort of frequency so to see it used here, four or more times per page is a little off-putting. It adds a sort of grandiose “regality” to the script that doesn’t mesh well with the story being told.

  This review is coming off a little harsher than I meant it to but, like I said, I enjoyed the story being told and most of my complaints are more a personal preference thing than anything else.

  You've got an interesting twist on a classic and you clearly have a strong vision for where things are going. I think the characters could use a little “dialogue diversity” as they all kind of sound the same but I’m invested in all of them. If you write more I’d certainly be down for reading more.

Offline Stevie_G

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Re: Young Justice (Justice League) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #4 on: Thu Oct 13 2016, 13:55 »
Thanks Dex for reading the script, and for your feedback - I truly appreciate it.

Regards the title - I was going back and forth over what to call the show.  I was thinking of just calling it 'JUSTICE' which could also work, and may fit better as the overall basis of the series is all about fighting for Justice

I added the 'Young' part, as the members were all set to be in the 16-25 years old range, so it's also about the characters growing up, the choices and consequences we face of our actions of being young and inexperienced.

The idea also, was that Season One would be known as "The Foundation". What happened that lead to the creation, setting-up the world and basis of which the team is founded upon, which in this world stems from Thomas Wayne seeking vengeance for Martha's death, slowly turning into a fight for 'Justice' and creating a Unit to do that.

Each season, Thomas would uncover a new 'Meta-human' / Superhero who he would set out to recruit into the folds of his Unit. While also, we show what's happening in the world's we've met, and how those found are continuing the fight in Thomas's absence. So, maybe Season Two would be labelled as "Super-Team", where we are introduced into Clark Kent's world as Thomas seeks him out, while also continuing Bruce Wayne's fight to clean Gotham's streets as a new villain arrives.

There's even the 'open-door' notion that other DC Characters could appear, in small roles, that you don't regularly see in the Justice League story-lines. The possibility could be endless.

Regards the mid-sentence dashes, which I presume you mean as > - < those in the middle of a sentence which I do tend to use a bit often, sorry.  I often use them to continue a sentence, but break it up without using a comma every single time so gives it a different look. Looking at the script now, it's something that I could cut down on and use a comma, or even end a sentence maybe earlier. I do tend to overwrite sometimes, leading to using these..

The "Clinical" Dialogue, and diversity part you've mentioned I agree with, and one pointed out to me often. That is, and always been one of my weakest elements to anything I write, especially capturing a character's voice. Occasionally, one character comes across really well on the page as distinctive, but most often, all characters sound similar.

Thank you for spotting the 'Upon' word being overused, sometimes several on a page.  I read the script to myself several times, and I never picked up that I'd even used it that much. And this is why we need people reading our scripts and giving honest feedback in return, to see things that the writers sometimes don't. Thanks for letting me know, and this is something I can go through and try and change for the better, along with other things you've pointed out.

I don't believe the review is harsh, more honest, and you've picked up on a few things I didn't notice that has given me a few things to think about, and work in the edit.

Thanks again for your feedback, and glad the story side came across well which is what I'd hoped and be interested to read more if goes ahead.

Offline Matthew Steele

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Re: Young Justice (Justice League) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #5 on: Thu Oct 13 2016, 21:46 »
love to see more from this. it sounds amazing. sign me up.
"Familiar Worlds. Original Stories."

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Offline Stevie_G

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Re: Young Justice (Justice League) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #6 on: Mon Dec 4 2017, 18:37 »
Here is the latest updated script of the Pilot Episode.


1.01: Homecoming (Pilot Episode) - 49 Pages - PDF - 283kb
Click Banner above to Read!


UPDATED: Monday 1st January 2018. (Pilot - 49 Pages)

A young Bruce Wayne returns home to discover his father a broken man, taken care for by the only staff member of the estate - Alfred J. Pennyworth. As Bruce sets on a path to restore the family name and estate, he quickly finds himself thrust into the dangers that lurk within Gotham - while reconnecting with an old friend, Victoria 'Vicki' Vale, who is investigating the new CEO running the newly formed Wayne-Powers Corporation, but soon sets her sights upon learning the truth about where Bruce has been for the past ten years.

« Last Edit: Mon Jan 1 2018, 13:43 by Stevie_G »

Offline Stevie_G

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Re: Justice (DC Universe) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #7 on: Wed Jan 10 2018, 14:26 »
I've developed another update to the Pilot Episode.  I've done some major re-working of the episode, moving scenes around to fit the Beat Structure I use (Save The Cat Television Structure).  Also added small scene, and some very minor dialogue/re-writes / subtle adds relevant to the series.


1.01: Homecoming (Pilot Episode) - 49 Pages - PDF - 179kb
Click Banner above to Read!


UPDATED: Wednesday 10th January 2018

A young Bruce Wayne returns home to discover his father a broken man, taken care for by the only staff member of the estate - Alfred J. Pennyworth. As Bruce sets on a path to restore the family name and estate, he quickly finds himself thrust into the dangers that lurk within Gotham - while reconnecting with an old friend, Victoria 'Vicki' Vale, who is investigating the new CEO running the newly formed Wayne-Powers Corporation, but soon sets her sights upon learning the truth about where Bruce has been for the past ten years.

Changes Made:
  • Slight re-writes, and very minor edits of dialogue made.
  • Bruce acts a little more reckless, rash in his behavior and attitude upon others.
  • Added small part to opening scene - not sure if needed (old newspaper flutters by with headline?).  Thought added to the 'mystery' of who's breaking in, before learn who it is - as well as about the city's past.
  • Family Portrait at end of opening scene re-written slightly, in hope of giving subtle idea of what series is about. Not sure if was in past Versions.
  • The Murder of Martha Wayne now moved to much earlier, as felt was the real 'Catalyst' beat, that sets the rest of the episode / series in motion - replacing the flashback of Thomas / Young Bruce at Airfield (moved to page 42).
  • Other scenes moved around to fit Beat Sheet plans. Bruce visits Bank earlier, learns about finances and company, before beat of Vicki interviewing Powers.  Bruce bumps into Vicki later, after bank incident.
  • Page 22 - New small scene added of Powers on phone call, before asking someone (unseen) to deal with Vicki Vale.
  • Bruce visiting Martha's grave now at end, page 48-49 - plus small flashback to her murder, with slight revelation.

I've posted up a Staff Required post - although still considered in the early stages, I've got a huge amount already developed for this pitch that I think could be taken to the next stage.  The first 2 episodes are wrote (albeit, episode 2 may need some structural re-jigging, and slight edits) - and I'm currently trying to outline/structure scenes for the final 4 episodes.  I have a 60 Page Series Bible currently produced, still needs more notes and info added - but features a host of stuff already for Season One, and rough ideas for Season Two if developed further.

I am sharing my time between this, and my other series (Purgatory) - which is still in development.  Not sure, but if there's a chance for a Private Development Hub to be created for this Series (maybe named: MZPtv DC Universe) - just to post up / help develop the outlines of scenes for future episodes, as well as sort out story-line ideas/plans to see where could fit in, discuss ideas with any staff brought on board - as well as share the characters, locations and possible future ideas, etc.  I'm currently trying to develop in Scrivener - but swapping between Laptop and PC sometimes, means have to keep saving new info added in Scrivener folder on USB Key - and then moving it to other, and vice-versa.  If all in one place - online, then be much easier to just go to online folder using either device - and not have to keep transferring folder back and forth.

Offline Lee A. Chrimes

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Re: Justice (DC Universe) w/ Pilot Episode
« Reply #8 on: Fri Jan 12 2018, 10:56 »
If you can hang fire another couple of months while I sort the site back out, then by the time of the soft reboot in March I'll have a better picture of how pitching and series development will work. I'm probably going to bring the old MZPtv Backstage forum into use, for one thing, because it made things neater to keep all development work on its own space rather than keeping everything on here. Unless people prefer to keep development here too?