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Re: The "Book You!" Thread by wzychee
[Today at 19:00]


Re: Decay by wzychee
[Today at 18:52]


Re: Decay by Andrew Corvero
[Today at 18:20]


Re: Decay by wzychee
[Today at 17:21]


Re: General TV Discussion by wzychee
[Today at 17:18]


Re:  General TV Discussion by Matt Latham
[Today at 17:16]


Re: General TV Discussion by wzychee
[Today at 16:46]


Decay by Andrew Corvero
[Today at 16:42]


Re:  General TV Discussion by Matt Latham
[Today at 16:35]


Re: The Music Thread by wzychee
[Today at 16:21]

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1
Chit 'n' Chat / Re: The "Book You!" Thread
« Last post by wzychee on Today at 19:00 »
The last book I finished was a while back called Eternity Road by Jack McDevitt. I was looking for something post-apocalyptic and came across it as a suggestion to something quasi-adjacent to Game of Thrones, though it really wasn't very adjacent. It's hundreds of years after the collapse of civilization (which is never fully explained, properly breaking my balls), but it's focused on a group that lives along the Mississippi in a very isolated society, and the most precious thing that they ever find is a book from the old days. They discover that this expedition brought back a complete Mark Twain, which is like the most valuable thing in their world because they have no information about the pre-collapse society other than fragments of books they find. And they eventually decide to go on this expedition to a place up north near Canada where there's a rumor of this place with a lot of ancient texts that was saved by an ancient explorer.

They find out along the way that other societies are far more advanced than their own -- though not wholly, and only though it's been hundreds of years, they still haven't become industrialized, which is pretty weird.

It was a pretty sweet read, though I'm bummed that it held back a lot, and the ending was basically what could have been the beginning for a new world. I would recommend it, though.
2
Work In Progress / Re: Decay
« Last post by wzychee on Today at 18:52 »
Yeah, it's a really easy thing to do. A lot of times, if I can't break a scene or I'm just not feeling all prose-y (because prose takes serious thought on my part, which hurts my brain), I'll break out Final Draft and write the scene as a script -- as dialogue is, by far, my strong suit and comes easily to me. And then when I translate that into prose, I find myself doing the bare minimum and just trying to get in the lines that I'm loving from the characters. So then I eventually have to come back through and add a buttload of descriptions and thoughts. It's a very tedious, annoying process.

And I agree, it is great to be able test the waters with a toe before getting junk-deep with a project, so hopefully more people will play toesies with us in the In Progress Lounge.

Keep it coming, sir.
3
Work In Progress / Re: Decay
« Last post by Andrew Corvero on Today at 18:20 »
Thanks a lot for reading for reading and commenting, Waylon! I'm definitely fixing the SPAG issues you pointed out.

Onto the rest of your comments:

Quote
It’s really short for an opening chapter, and I would try to fill it out a bit more with the drollness of his work (even though he enjoys what he does because of its repetitive nature), maybe add to his inner dialogue by expanding upon his surroundings and the people who are there. One thing that I think has happened here, and admittedly, I also tend to fall victim to sometimes if I don’t catch myself, is that it flows like a script, mostly dialogue (or inner monologue) with short little bits of environmental detail to get you to the next line of dialogue. That’s a tough habit to break – trust me, I know – but the medium really flourishes when it’s paragraphs separated by dialogue and not vice versa.

This is definitely a great suggestion, I was worried about adding too much and slowing things down, but it seems that I erred a bit in the other direction. Some character and world building would definitely help.

Quote
Also, it goes batshit crazy pretty damn early! Four pages in, and peoples’ eyes are falling out of their head. I like the being thrown in the deep end with the craziness in relation to the OCD, but I would like a bit more introduction to the world before we get to heads cracking open onto the floor. 

This ties in nicely with what you wrote above about filling in more details, and is definitely something I need to think about. I'm loving this new format where you can post chapters and bits of writing even before having finished the whole thing, it's definitely useful to have an extra pair eyes going through the first chapter to gain some feedback you can use both to edit and to change your approach to writing later parts.

Again, many thanks for having read and commented on this so quickly and with a lot of useful suggestions.
4
Work In Progress / Re: Decay
« Last post by wzychee on Today at 17:21 »
Though I brushed off Vaughn’s grammar nazi comments in my own work, I’m going to point out a few examples really quickly:

The one thing that I notice is the lack of punctuation with your dialogue. When someone finishes speaking, a comma before the closing parentheses separates the dialogue from the person who’s saying it if you’re including something like [,” said Jimmy.”]. “Nobody does it,” she used to say.

And yet he couldn’t argue with truth reality. Something like reality might work better in that instance.

Therapy couldn’t change the world, only accept it. That line seems like there was a bit cut off of it such as “…the world, only provide the impetus for one to accept it.”

When someone’s thinking something, it should traditionally be in italics. Plenty of things, thought James. Ask her out now, said the annoying voice.

Now, onto the actual story:

I really like the ‘OCD counting things’ explanation of why it calms him down. That’s good stuff, and it’s good to have a character quirk like that to open the story, I think, especially being that he’s going to virtually be the only one to notice it – short of someone like Rocky running up the steps who also knows how many there are as a habit of his workout. :D

It’s really short for an opening chapter, and I would try to fill it out a bit more with the drollness of his work (even though he enjoys what he does because of its repetitive nature), maybe add to his inner dialogue by expanding upon his surroundings and the people who are there. One thing that I think has happened here, and admittedly, I also tend to fall victim to sometimes if I don’t catch myself, is that it flows like a script, mostly dialogue (or inner monologue) with short little bits of environmental detail to get you to the next line of dialogue. That’s a tough habit to break – trust me, I know – but the medium really flourishes when it’s paragraphs separated by dialogue and not vice versa.

Also, it goes batshit crazy pretty damn early! Four pages in, and peoples’ eyes are falling out of their head. I like the being thrown in the deep end with the craziness in relation to the OCD, but I would like a bit more introduction to the world before we get to heads cracking open onto the floor. 

And though it has absolutely nothing to do with anything, that last line: “then the world became black” made me immediately think of that Pearl Jam song “and tattooed everythaaaeeeeaaang.”

I can definitely see the potential for it to become very intriguing, especially with the propensity for the story to end up in an asylum and go straight One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Like I said, though, I would try to flesh it out more so you're really into the world and not just in the dude's head for the whole thing, which is pretty much where you are now.
5
The Television Set / Re: General TV Discussion
« Last post by wzychee on Today at 17:18 »
Haha. Your thoughts never disappoint. bownod

Also, holy mother forking shirt balls.
6
The Television Set / Re:  General TV Discussion
« Last post by Matt Latham on Today at 17:16 »
The dad looks like a chubbier David Cameron and its super-distracting.
7
The Television Set / Re: General TV Discussion
« Last post by wzychee on Today at 16:46 »
The good news it that it's easily digestible, being such short episodes in a short season. I'm curious to see your thoughts on it, sir
8
Work In Progress / Decay
« Last post by Andrew Corvero on Today at 16:42 »
In the spirit of helping the New MZP to focus more on prose, here's a project of mine that might go somewhere one day. I hope you guys find something to enjoy about it, or if not, at least that there is some potential here.

Decay

James McEnroe is a socially awkward loner who has struggled with OCD and intrusive thoughts for most of his life. One day, though, he starts to experience a series of weird, increasingly disturbing events that other people seem not to hear or see. Are the things he perceives just a product of his decaying state of mind or is the world around him decaying in ways that only he can notice?

Read the first chapter here
9
The Television Set / Re:  General TV Discussion
« Last post by Matt Latham on Today at 16:35 »
I've just started to watch it. If only to take a break from Ultimate Beastmaster - which I've really gotten into.
10
Chit 'n' Chat / Re: The Music Thread
« Last post by wzychee on Today at 16:21 »
I'm not a huge fan of all of Boston's tunes, but that one is so good.

I've been listening to a lot of early rock lately -- Little Richard (whose early stuff is so good; I love going 'oooooohh' every time that he does), Carl Perkins, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, etc. I feel like there are really two times (musically) that I would have loved to have been coming of age: the late 50s/early 60s and the mid 70s. To have been around in the early days of those tours that featured Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash and all would have been forking amazing. And the 70s just seem like the coolest time to have been a teenager in the US -- the badass cars, the sweet 70s rock and general rascalism -- though they could also have been too cool of a time to have been a teenager because that's about the time that my dad knocked up my mom, too, so there's that.
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